We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
