you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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