Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
