tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
