Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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