Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
