Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
