I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
