She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
