My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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