Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
