He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
