If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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