I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
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