you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
