So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
