shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
