I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
