If that was your dad, he is hot
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
people are starting to question the shark bite story
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize