As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
