Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
