would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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