I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
