Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize