woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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