You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
