I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
