what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
