Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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