Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
