Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
