Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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