There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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