I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
