you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize