the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
