so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
