the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
