Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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