I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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