I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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