Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Quick, to the slutcave!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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