all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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