She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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