I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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