She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
