3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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