My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
