pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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