everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There's always time for handjobs
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
