The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
