he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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