woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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