Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize