like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
