I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
