Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
