Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize