can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
