Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
