Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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