apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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