"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
