I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I am one with the molecules
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
