meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
