Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
