i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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