my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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