Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Randomize
